<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Burnout by orphan_account</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271586">Burnout</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>South Park</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, College, Depression, Dirty Talk, Drunkenness, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Light Dom/sub, M/M, The FTM character is Wendy and the MTF character is Butters fyi, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:40:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,947</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271586</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyle returns to South Park after being away for over three years whilst attending college in Denver. Unfortunately, much has changed since he’s been gone. His friends have all moved on with their lives without him, some making terrible choices without Kyle around to talk them out of them. Kyle feels trapped between missing his friends and hating what they've become, so he turns to some old acquaintances to help get him through one of the most difficult points in his young life. Unknown to everyone around him, Kyle has secretly dropped out of college, and is struggling to return to his life in South Park like nothing has happened. Will things ever return to normal for him, or are some things too far gone to change?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman, Michael (South Park: Raisins)/Tweek Tweak, Michael/Pete Thelman, Pete (South Park: Raisins)/Tweek Tweak, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Coming Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey! I don't usually do this, but please comment and give kudos if you're interested in me continuing this! I'm really not sure how active the South Park fandom still is so I'm not certain if this fic will take off or not...it'd mean a lot if y'all let me know you're interested in more!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kyle comes home.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The open roads between Denver and South Park were always strangely nostalgic to Kyle. It was one of those weird, random things from his childhood that sparked some of his more pleasant memories, like Capri Sun or the broken Tamogachi he still kept on his keychain because he’d gotten so used to it being there that his keys just looked naked without it. Watching acres and acres of empty land pass by with anticipation as he waited for the next sign to indicate just how many miles were left before they hit the city was something he had positive memories of, because trips to Denver almost always meant something positive, like a basketball game or a concert. Trips to Denver were always special, and getting out of South Park for the day was worth watching two hours worth of empty land pass by without complaining. When he was younger, Denver felt like an almost magical place, filled with lights, entertainment, and opportunities that he couldn’t experience in South Park. Somewhere along the line, Denver became a goal for Kyle. Kyle wanted to get out of South Park as soon as possible and move to the city before South Park strangled him, just like it did to everyone else that ended up trapped there after high school. Kyle needed to get out, because he was better than South Park.</p><p> </p><p>Kyle rest his head against the balled up hoodie he’d been using as a pillow in the back seat of his father's car, idly watching out the window as more and more empty land passed by. He slowly blinked, trying not to doze off. He knew they had to be close to South Park, the land they were passing felt familiar, even if it was otherwise unremarkable. It was something so deeply ingrained in his memory that he could identify this empty land as being closer to South Park as the other empty land they’d passed five minutes ago. </p><p> </p><p>Kyle sat up straight, glancing over at Ike, who had his face buried in his phone. He almost felt bad that Ike got dragged along to pick him up, but felt significantly less bad knowing that Ike probably didn’t notice how much time had passed. They’d been relatively distant since Ike had hit his teens, though, they weren’t the closest to begin with. The whole time Ike had been helping bring Kyle’s bags to the car was filled with awkward silence between them, it was pretty uncomfortable. Kyle made a mental note to give Ike his space when they got home and hoped that the itinerary for his visit wasn’t filled with too many “family” activities. </p><p> </p><p>“I still can’t believe that in a few more months, our Kyle is going to be graduating!”</p><p> </p><p>Kyle regained a little focus when he heard his father's voice, assumedly filling the awkward silence with fluffy banter. He caught his father glancing at him in the rear view window with a beaming smile. He shot a small smile back, though he sank in his seat when attention was back on him.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you doubt him, Gerald. Kyle has always been such a talented writer, it was only a matter of time before he made a career out of it. Just don’t travel too far from South Park now, alright? Just because you’re going to be traveling around the world and all doesn’t mean you have an excuse not to come home for the holidays.” His mother piped in from the passenger's seat. </p><p> </p><p>Kyle maintained an awkward smile as his parents praised him, silently wishing he was anywhere else. “Of course not. I probably won’t even be traveling that much anyway.” He muttered the last part, shifting his glance to his knees, which were awkwardly squished by the seat in front of him on account of his height. “It’s probably going to be a while before someone even <em> hires </em>me…”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, stop with that, if I know my Kyle, I know you’ll be a big shot in no time. You have a real talent, Kyle!” Kyle’s mother continued to gush over him with a smile on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“...Yeah. Thanks Mom.” Kyle muttered, attempting to awkwardly shuffle his legs, with little luck given how much space he had. </p><p> </p><p>“Everyone in town is real proud of you too!” She continued. “I talk to Linda about all you’ve been doing all the time...now, her poor Butters is still living at home. Apparently he came down with some mental health problems and couldn’t bring himself to leave home for school. Poor thing, though someone’s gotta keep an eye on that woman now that the divorce is finalized, she’s always been a bit of a nutcase. Maybe it’s genetic.” Sheila continued to prattle on, giving a small shrug. </p><p> </p><p>“Huh…” Kyle took a moment to take in what Sheila had just said. Poor Butters. Kyle always knew that one day South Park would eat Butters alive. Kyle knew what it was like to be the punching bag of the group, he knew how it warped your self esteem...and he knew just how fragile Butters was. At some point Kyle subconsciously prepared himself for the day his mother emailed him a newspaper article about Butters jumping off a bridge just as nonchalantly as she emailed him banana bread recipes. “Have you really been telling people about me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, we’re all so proud of you for taking the big leap and going to school in the big city all on your own, it’s worth bragging about. None of your friends have even so much as moved out in the time you spent working towards your degree, you’re doing so well for yourself Kyle!” Sheila continued to beam over all of Kyle’s accomplishments.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s exactly why I don’t want anyone to make a big deal out of it, I don’t want the guys to think I’m better than them just because I went to college and they didn’t.” Kyle sighed, anxiously scratching his arm. “Can we just...act like everything’s normal? Please? I kind of just want to relax for a while…”<br/><br/>Kyle’s mother raised her eyebrows, offering a quick glance over to his father, before looking back to Kyle through the rear view window. “Alright Kyle, if that’s what you want...we won’t make a big deal out of it...right Gerald?”<br/><br/>“Right...no big deal.” He nodded, as he turned into their neighborhood. Kyle had been so swept up in trying to downplay his accomplishments that he had hardly realized how the scenery out his window had changed. It wasn’t until the moment of silence following his father’s words that he actually looked up to see...South Park. Home sweet home. Kyle gave a small sigh of relief, knowing that soon he’d no longer be trapped in a car with his parents questioning him. Soon enough, he’d be in his crappy little twin bed, with a door between him and his parents. He missed his crappy little twin bed. He hadn’t been sleeping well in the crappy little twin bed he had in his dorm. The crappy little twin bed at home was so much better. </p><p> </p><p>They pulled into the driveway, the garage door opening in front of them. “Ike, help your brother with his things.” Kyle’s mother spoke as she stepped out of the car.<br/><br/>“No...he really doesn’t have to.” Kyle immediately spoke up, quickly glancing to his brother and offering him a dismissive hand gesture. Ike didn’t seem to be paying attention regardless, not looking up from his phone once as he stepped out of the car as well. Kyle sighed, grabbing his sweatshirt and tying it around his waist as he left the car, making his way for the trunk to grab his things.<br/><br/>“I don’t see why you had to pack so much, you know you have clothes at home, right?” Gerald muttered to Kyle as he grabbed one of his bags.<br/><br/>“Clothes from middle school, maybe.” Kyle quipped back with an amused scoff, grabbing his bulky suitcase as well as his laptop bag. He made his way to the door, awkwardly pulling his overstuffed suitcase behind him.</p><p> </p><p>Once Kyle entered the house he sighed, taking in the familiar smell. He was happy to be back, if not for the fact that he could finally stretch his legs and enjoy some peace and quiet. He started making his way for the stairs before his mother stopped him.</p><p> </p><p>“Now, just one second...don’t head upstairs just yet, we have a surprise for you!” His mother smiled, gesturing towards the entryway to the living room.</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Kyle spoke with minimal enthusiasm at the thought of a “surprise”. He didn’t want to have to go through more of his parents praising him, he just wanted to take a nap. He glanced over to the living room, when he noticed some balloons that were just barely visible around the wall. Kyle’s heart sunk when he realized just what was coming next. “Mom, you really didn’t have to do anything…”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, hush. Come on, just head inside, your surprise is waiting!” Sheila chuckled, making her way to the living room as well.</p><p> </p><p>Kyle let go of his suitcase and took a deep breath. He slowly made his way towards the living room, stepping into the entryway with stiff posture and a clenched jaw. He didn’t want this, but it was too late to back out of it. He entered the room to find it decorated with cheap party decor, and a fold out table with assorted snacks on it. The room's decor was the least of Kyle’s concerns as soon as he locked his eyes on the people inside of it. There, in his living room, were his friends and assorted acquaintances of his mother, all waiting on him. Kyle’s skin crawled. He wanted so badly to get right back in the car and head back to Denver, he was mortified.</p><p> </p><p>“Happy almost graduation, Kyle!” His mother gave him a pat on the back. “I know you said you didn’t want to make a big deal out of anything, but we wanted to organize some kind of get-together for you and your friends since you’ve gone so long without seeing them.” She offered Kyle a genuine smile. It was clear that she was proud of herself, and assumed this was in Kyle’s best interest...Kyle didn’t really have the heart to tell her otherwise. </p><p> </p><p>“...Thanks Mom.” Kyle muttered, scanning the room. Stan and Kenny were there, talking to each other on the couch. Butters was close to his Mom’s side, awkwardly scanning the room just as Kyle was. Cartman stood by the food table with a noise maker between his lips. Upon catching Kyle staring at him, he gave a quirk of his eyebrows to affirm that he had noticed Kyle, then blew the noisemaker at him. Kyle immediately redirected his glance, giving an annoyed huff out his nose. He really didn’t want to deal with any of this, much less from Cartman. He decided to make his way to the couch. He didn’t want to talk to anybody...but Stan was one person he could stand talking to.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, hey dude.” Stan shot him a little wave. Once Kyle was up close to Stan, he could barely believe the state he was in. Stan had put on a bit of weight since Kyle last saw him over three years ago, though he carried it mostly in his stomach and had a “dad bod”. He was also unshaven, with a scruffy neckbeard nearly all the way down his neck. Stan looked so much like his Dad, which was the first thing Kyle noticed about him. He wore a black hoodie with frayed strings and a handful of dubious stains, as well as some sweatpants and a pair of sandals with socks. <em> Stan looks like shit</em>, Kyle thought to himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey dude…” Kyle waved back, stunned. He knew he had been avoiding all of his connections to South Park since he started school, including talking to his friends, but he never expected to come back home and see Stan like this. “Sorry you guys got dragged into this, I <em> definitely </em> didn’t ask my Mom to do any of this.”<br/><br/>“Dude, no problem.” Kenny piped in, giving Kyle an “OK” sign with his hand. Kenny looked the same as he always did, with unkempt greasy hair having gone uncut for so long it was essentially a short mullet, still missing a couple of teeth he couldn’t afford to replace, still wearing the same clothes he wore in high school. His shirt had a handful of small holes from cigarette ash burning through the fabric, and he still reeked of smoke, even from a short distance. “I love it when your Mom bribes us with food. It totally makes up for all the secondhand embarrassment we’re feeling for you right now.” He snorted, grabbing a handful of trail mix from a large bowl he seemed to have stolen from the snack table. “Congrats on graduating by the way.”<br/><br/>“ <em> Almost </em> graduating. I still have a few months left, and honestly…” Kyle trailed off, then sighed. “Thanks dude.” He opted to just shoot Kenny a smile instead. It didn’t feel right to vent to either of them. Kyle had it good, he was able to attend the top school in their state on a scholarship while all of his friends never even left home. Stan and Kenny both looked like they’d seen better days. It wouldn’t be fair for Kyle to unload on them. He opted to just let them enjoy the party, even if it was just for the free food. “It means a lot. Really.”<br/><br/>“Aww. Gay.” Kenny snorted. “Hey, Stan and I are gonna go get wasted by the lake later,” He added, giving Stan a playful jab in the arm. “Wanna join us?”<br/><br/>Kyle’s gaze immediately went to Stan, giving him a disapproving squint. “Stan I thought you were sober...”<br/><br/>“We’re not doing this, dude.” Stan sighed, rubbing the bride of his nose. “Like, I’m down to hang out with you, whatever, but we’re not doing this. You haven’t been home in like, forever. You’re not gonna step back in and treat me like ass because you think you know what’s best for-” Stan cut himself off, raising his hands dismissively. “We’re not doing this. Happy almost graduation or whatever. Can we just leave it at that?” He added, shooting Kyle a look.<br/><br/>Kyle stayed silent, glancing to Stan, then to Kenny, who was visibly uncomfortable. Once Kyle’s gaze was on him, he immediately stuffed his face with snacks to avoid having to comment on the situation. Kyle just let out a heavy sigh, still visibly upset, and looked away. “Yeah. Okay. Thanks. I’m gonna go...get some air or something. Still feeling kinda claustrophobic from being in the car all day.” He attempted to shrug it off, and opted to walk away from the situation instead. It wasn’t worth it to spark an argument with Stan, at least not in front of everyone.<br/><br/>Kyle made his way through his living room, glancing around at everyone who had showed up, when he accidentally locked eyes with Butters. “Kyle! Hey Kyle!” Butters beamed, leaving his mother’s side to run up to Kyle. Butters presented much more feminine than the last time Kyle had seen him, wearing a tight fitting light blue Hello Kitty shirt with a pink jacket tied around his waist. He had a more feminine haircut, short with two long pieces of hair near the front framing his face, donning a couple of cute hair clips. “Happy Graduation Eve Kyle! Here, I got you a gift card!” He handed Kyle a sealed baby blue envelope covered in various Sanrio stickers. “Ahhh phooey, I ruined the surprise! Sorry about that Kyle, I’m just so excited to see you again!”<br/><br/>“Oh...hey Butters...it’s no problem.” Kyle gave Butters a small, understanding smile, taking the envelope and putting it in his jacket pocket. “How’s, uhh…” He glanced to Butters, then to his mother, his mind returning to the information his own mother had overshared about the two of them. “How are things?”<br/><br/>“Oh, great! I’ve been getting really into succulents recently, on account of the fact that my Mom thinks that cactuses are too dangerous to have around the house. Succulents are real cool though! With all the time I spend inside, it’s nice to have some pretty little plants to keep me company!” Butters beamed as he rambled on, almost as if Kyle was the only person to ask him how he was doing and he had been holding onto all of this information for a long time. He seemed happy...or, at the very least, he seemed happy right now. Knowing what Kyle knew, it was nice to see that Butters was still the same blind optimist he had always been.<br/><br/>“That’s great, Butters.” Kyle shot him a small smile. “I’m gonna head outside for a bit, it was nice talking to you.”<br/><br/>“Oh! Okay, nice seeing you Kyle!” Butters gave Kyle a little wave as Kyle made his way towards the kitchen, stepping out the patio door and promptly closing it behind him.<br/><br/>Kyle let out a deep sigh as he made his way towards the edge of the deck. He leaned against it, taking in a deep breath of mountain air in hopes to calm himself down. Instead, what he smelled was the scent of artificial cotton candy and nicotine. He wrinkled his nose and glanced to his side, only to see Cartman leaning over the side of the deck as well, with a vape pen between his lips. “Hey.” He greeted Kyle, unceremoniously.<br/><br/>Cartman rarely changed. He didn’t really make the effort to change. With how his mother infantilized him, he wasn’t really pushed to do so. The only thing that had really changed about Cartman since childhood was that his height had caught up to his weight, so instead of looking obese he just had a wide physique and a round face, still overweight but manageably so. He almost exclusively wore graphic tees with various video games and cartoons on them alongside baggy jeans and flashy, multicolor sneakers. Even as an adult, he still dressed like a kid, which was very telling of his personality.</p><p><br/>“...Hey.” Kyle opted to greet him back. He could’ve just ignored Cartman, and once the word left his mouth he told himself that he probably should’ve...but Kyle was in a bad place.<br/><br/>Cartman was probably the one person in the world that Kyle wouldn’t feel like shit venting to.<br/><br/>“So, how’s your erotic novel coming along?” Cartman shot him a smirk.<br/><br/>“Okay first off, that’s not even <em> close </em> to my field. We’ve been over this. Second...how long have you been sitting on that? You said the same thing when I told you my major like...three years ago.”<br/><br/>“No no no, see, I distinctly remember you saying that you were going into writing so that you could finally publish all of your erotic fanfiction and make mad bank off of it. You said that your whole scheme this whole time was to use your scholarship to get into the porn biz and write steamy love novels for bored house wives to jack off to. I’m just going based off of what you told me.” Cartman shrugged, doubling down on his joke.<br/><br/>“Jesus Christ.” Kyle groaned, bonking his forehead on the rail of the deck to emphasize how annoyed he was. “Okay, yeah. It’s great. It’s going great. Thanks.”<br/><br/>“Nice.” Cartman snorted. “You look like shit, dude. Like, more than normal. You look extra shitty Kyle.”<br/><br/>“I <em> feel </em> extra shitty.” Kyle muttered, raising his head. “I didn’t want any of this to happen. I just wanted to come home...lay in my own bed...and pretend everything is normal again…”<br/><br/>“Woah woah woah...wait…shit. I was just fucking around bro.” Cartman squinted in Kyle’s direction, confused and slightly put off by how Kyle brought the mood down. “You gonna cry or something?”<br/><br/>“No...it’s just...uuuugggghhhh!” Kyle groaned again, burying his face in his hands. “Can I just...tell you something, and instead of doing the thing where you hold it against me you just pretend to be a human for two seconds? Stan and I are kind of in the middle of a <em> thing </em> right now and I don’t think I can trust him. At least not right now.”<br/><br/>“Is this the part where you tell me you’re gay? Cuz I’m pretty sure we went over this in like...junior year. Hey! Your Mom had a party for that too!” Cartman snorted, still not taking the situation seriously.<br/><br/>Kyle just furrowed his brow at Cartman, shooting him a piercing, wordless glare.</p><p><br/>“...Alright. Alright. Jesus, don’t get your ass in a twist.” Cartman paused to take another drag from his vape, blowing smoke up into the air. “Oh gee, Kyle. Whatever could be wrong?” Cartman spoke in a high pitched voice, bringing his free hand to his chin and giving Kyle a sarcastic smile, batting his eyelashes.<br/><br/>“...I think I might be dropping out.” Kyle muttered, lowering his gaze.<br/><br/>“Oh…” Cartman blinked. “Shit, dude. That’s rough.” He gave Kyle an affectionate-ish punch in the shoulder, which was probably about as much comfort as he could provide. “So...is that a no on the erotic novel thing?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Starks Pond</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kyle sneaks out to hang out with Stan and Kenny near Starks Pond.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As always, please comment/kudos/etc if you're interested in me continuing this!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once the festivities were finally over, after what seemed like an eternity of people congratulating Kyle and Kyle drowning in his own guilt, Kyle finally retreated to his room with his belongings. He dropped everything on the floor and let out an elongated sigh, as if a weight was lifted off his chest. He glanced around his room, noting that nothing had changed since the last time he was home. His parents were always so sentimental, Kyle wouldn’t be surprised if they never took it upon themselves to turn his room into an office or a home gym the way other parents did when their children moved away. Kyle looked at his bed, then the posters on his wall, then the various toys that lined his desk.<br/><br/>“Shit.” He muttered to himself, taking in a stiff breath in an attempt to hold back the tears welling up in his eyes. He collapsed on his bed, taking a moment just to lay there and stare at the ceiling. There were still little splotches of glue and chips of paint missing from when he hung glow in the dark stars from the ceiling as a kid. He wanted to cry. He was so overwhelmed by nostalgia that he was on the verge of breaking down. He almost felt as if he didn’t deserve to be home. That he didn’t deserve the comforts of his room, or the undying support of his parents. He wanted to be comfortable...he wanted to take a break...but he couldn’t. The guilt was still eating away at him. Sighing and wiping his eyes, Kyle picked up his phone to text Stan.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <strong><br/>&gt;You guys still hanging out?<br/><br/>&lt;yeah why<br/><br/>&gt;Would it be cool if I joined you?<br/><br/>&gt;Sorry about earlier.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><br/><br/><br/>Kyle started typing “I missed you”, then stared at what he had written for a moment, before promptly deleting it with a stiff sigh out his nose. Instead, he just waited on Stan’s reply.</p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <strong>&lt;yeah its cool<br/><br/>&lt;sure<br/><br/>&lt;were by the old camp grounds near starks pond</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>Kyle sighed, then rose to his feet. He made sure to sneak out of the house carefully as his parents were busy cleaning up the living room. He didn’t <em> have </em> to sneak out...but at the same time, he didn’t want to get trapped into a conversation with his parents. He wanted to escape any more reminders of just how much of a let down he was. He hadn’t spent any time with Stan, or Kenny for that matter, in years. He needed this. </p><p> </p><p>Kyle opted to walk, considering he didn’t have a car of his own. One of the great things about South Park was that everything was within walking distance. He kind of missed that, considering it was significantly more difficult to get from place to place in Denver without being stalled by traffic. Walking around South Park made him weirdly nostalgic for the days of hanging out with the guys without any form of parental supervision. That was another thing that he missed. It was weird, looking back on his childhood in a positive light. Kyle distinctly remembered being bullied, shunned, and having every remotely progressive word that came out of his mouth shot down by his peers. Kyle had a shitty time in South Park, which is why he fought to escape it as much as he did. Still...looking back on it all...he missed it.<br/><br/>Fists in his pockets, Kyle walked down the thin dirt trails that surrounded Starks Pond, until he made his way back to the old campgrounds. The only people who actually used them these days were the homeless, but it still made for a decent place to hang out away from town. As expected, Stan and Kenny were there, standing near a bonfire that they had started in an abandoned steel barrel. Kenny had a can of beer in his hand, as well as a packed cooler near his foot. “Kyle! You made it! Want a drink?” He asked, gesturing to the drink in his hand for emphasis.<br/><br/>“...I probably shouldn’t. I already feel like shit from being in the car all day.” Kyle raised a hand dismissively. “Thanks though.”<br/><br/>“Pffft. Suit yourself.” Kenny shrugged, digging around. “Uhhh...I got one of my sisters Capri Suns. Knock yourself out.” He nabbed a Capri Sun and tossed it Kyle’s way, which he fumbled to catch.<br/><br/>“Karen still drinks Capri Sun?” Kyle quirked a brow, tearing the straw from the pouch and jabbing it into the straw hole to take a sip.<br/><br/>“Katie.” Kenny corrected him, taking a swig of his drink. “Parents popped her out like, two and a half years ago for the benefits since Kevin and I are too old and Karen isn’t too far behind us. She’s pretty cool. It’s kinda wild how nice they treat her compared to the rest of us. I think the older they get the weaker they get. Like, my Dad tried to chuck a beer bottle at my head the other day and only got it halfway across the room. Didn't even break. Told me to bash it over my own damn head so he didn’t have to get up.” Kenny snorted. “What a dumbass. It didn’t even hurt.” He muttered, taking a sip of his drink.</p><p> </p><p>Kyle listened intently as Kenny spoke, his eyes slowly squinting with concern as Kenny went on. It’s not like Kyle expected Kenny’s family situation to magically get better over time, but it was still concerning to hear about. He glanced over to Stan, who just gave a relatively amused smirk. Stan seemed a little bit more comfortable now that the party was over, but Kyle noted that Stan didn’t have a drink in his hand either. “Are you not drinking?” Kyle quirked a brow at Stan.<br/><br/>“No, I’m not drinking.” Stan rolled his eyes. “I didn’t want to piss you off on your first day home. You wanted to hang out. We’re hanging out.” He shrugged.<br/><br/>“I’m not “pissed off” Stan. I was just...surprised.” Kyle shrugged back, trying his hardest not to sound argumentative. “You’re right. It’s not my place to tell you what to do. I’m just...I’m happy to see you.” He made eye contact with Stan and offered him a weak smile.<br/><br/>Stan blinked, fully expecting to be scolded. He just sighed, averting his eyes. “Yeah...well. Good. I’m happy to see you too.” Stan gave a weak smile of his own. “Also I did all of my drinking before you got here, so I’m glad you’re not totally pissed off.” He added with a thumbs up.<br/><br/>Kenny interrupted by bringing a hand to his mouth to make a loud farting sound. “Oh come on, don’t get all sappy, this is supposed to be fun.” He scoffed, before raising his can. “Alright. As the only one cool enough to drink, here’s a shitty toast to Kyle and all his fun fun accomplishments. Woo!” Kenny wooted before chugging the rest of his drink.<br/><br/>Kyle nearly winced as Kenny spoke, but feigned a smile regardless. “Thanks man, I really appreciate it. I’m honestly just happy to be home. Being so far away from everything... <em> everyone </em> ...it honestly kinda blows.” Kyle added, taking a sip of his juice. “...I don’t think I’m going back.”<br/><br/>“Oh shit, you’re moving back home? Dude, sweet!” Kenny grinned, offering him a fistbump with his free hand. “Thank fuck, honestly. Missing one of the guys is like missing a fucking limb. Shit just isn’t the same without you.” He added, seeming genuinely happy. Kyle just smiled and returned the fistbump, then looked to Stan, who remained silent. He couldn’t really gauge Stan’s expression. He didn’t seem as outwardly excited as Kenny was...granted, Kenny <em> did </em> seem to be a few more drinks in than Stan. Kyle would dig deeper, but if he and Stan were going to have a serious conversation, a boisterous drunk Kenny <em> definitely </em>wasn’t going to be a part of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly, missing you guys was probably one of the worst parts of moving away. Like, when you’ve had the same friends your whole life, you’re not really incentivized to learn how to make more.” Kyle sighed, taking a sip of his drink.</p><p> </p><p>“Then why didn’t you like...call or something?” Stan interjected. </p><p> </p><p>Kyle immediately shifted his focus to Stan, who maintained a neutral expression. He stayed silent for a moment, only for Stan to look away with a small huff.</p><p> </p><p>“Never mind, forget I said anything. I didn’t mean to ruin the mood or whatever.” Stan added, shifting his gaze to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“No I...Stan I was so busy with school, if I had the time I would’ve gotten into contact with you but-“ Kyle fumbled over his words, attempting to apologize but inadvertently making things about himself.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine.” Stan spoke, reaching for his phone. “I gotta go. Wendyl and I have a video call tonight. He only has so much time to talk so we try to call as often as we can.” He added, side-eyeing Kyle for a moment before walking away. “See ya.”</p><p> </p><p>Kyle watched Stan walk away silently, only glancing back to Kenny after Stan was too far beyond the trees to see. Kenny looked to Kyle and took a long, awkward, silent sip of his drink.</p><p> </p><p>“...Kenny, am I a bad person?” Kyle broke the silence by blurting out the first thing that came to mind.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, yeah. We all are.” Kenny shrugged. “Everyone is shitty all the time for no good reason. That’s just kinda how things are.” He added, before chucking his empty can into the lake. “I’m shitty all the time. I just don’t complain about it.” </p><p> </p><p>“You’re not shitty, dude. You’re like, one of the nicest people I know. You do so much to take care of your family and you’d literally die for most of the people in your life.” Kyle interjected, furrowing his eyebrows with concern.</p><p> </p><p>Kenny interrupted with another fart sound. “Ahhh don’t give me that bullshit! I’m trash, and that’s okay. I can sleep easy at night knowing that.” He added, cracking open another drink. “You do kind of have a habit of making things about you though. Stan’s going through some shit. Maybe you should focus on him.” He added with a half shrug.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s hard with Stan. It’s complicated.” Kyle signed, averting his gaze. “He kinda digs himself in holes then refuses to let anybody help. He just...keeps digging, and there’s nothing I can do. It actually makes talking to him kinda depressing.” Kyle continued, kicking up a bit of dirt. “I kinda...don’t want to talk to him, because I know it isn’t going to go anywhere.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shit dude. That’s deep.” Kenny gave him a small jab in the shoulder. “You sure you don’t want a drink? It’ll help you stop overthinking shit. I’m basically drunk all the time and I don’t think about shit.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah...maybe one drink.” Kyle sighed, gesturing for Kenny to hand him a drink.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Exclusively Fucking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After a night of drinking with Kenny, Kyle texts Cartman.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Whoops I accidentally wrote 10 pages of smut and changed this fic from an M to an E</p><p> </p><p>As always! If you're interested in me continuing this, please kudos/bookmark/comment. I'm shocked that this South Park fic is doing better than any other fandom I've written for in the past year. As someone who's been in the fandom since the 2000s yall are braver than any US marine for still being in it</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kyle slowly blinked himself awake, groaning as he regained consciousness. He covered his face with his arm to block out the searing light from his window. His whole body ached and he was nauseous as fuck. “Mmmmh...this is why you don’t drink...<em> idiot </em>.” He muttered, berating himself. He sat up a bit too fast, immediately wincing and gripping his stomach out of fear he might vomit because of how dizzy he was. He felt like shit, emotionally and physically. </p><p> </p><p>After a couple of minutes just trying to regain his composure, he blindly reached for his phone, then squinted at the screen. He didn’t seem to miss much...but he did have one unread message from Cartman. He just huffed at the sight. “Well, my morning is already off to a shitty start...how much worse can it get?” He sighed, opening the message.</p><p> </p><p>Cartman had apparently sent him a meme, one that was fairly low quality with the ifunny banner still attached to it. The contents of the meme was irrelevant and unfunny, something about the Sprite at McDonalds. It seemed to have been sent 15 minutes before Kyle woke up, which was strange considering Cartman is rarely up early. Granted, Kyle woke up at 10:45...but that was still early in Cartman time. He tried to make sense of why Cartman bothered to send this to him, so he scrolled up through their (apparent) conversation leading up to it. “Shit...” he muttered, as the messages finally started to jog his memory.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>11:04 PM</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;Are you up?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;its only 11 obviously im still up. not all of us go to sleep early like fuckin grandmas</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;did you legit mean to send me a fuckin “you up” text </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;kinda gay</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;Dude shut up</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;kyle</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;dude</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;YOU texted ME</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;you shut up</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;Can you stop sending 50 fucking messages at once? The notification sound is giving me a migraine.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;no</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;i</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;dont </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;think</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;i </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;will</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;Fuck off</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;you texted me??? have we not already been over this?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;Just shut up. I just got done drinking with the guys and I think I overdid it. Everything kinda hurts right now.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;you didnt invite me? not cool</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;also you type reeeeally well for someone whos fucked up. what did you tap out at one drink?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;Two and a half, Kenny finished my last one. Composing legible texts while drunk/high is the one thing I’m good at. Mom checks in on me all the time and if she ever suspected me of actually doing shit like this she’d kill me.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;composing?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;legible?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;glad you still have the energy to flex your vocabulary on everyone</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;Shut up</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;kyle</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;and I cannot stress this enough</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;YOU. TEXTED. ME.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;SOOOOOORRY. Nevermind. I’ll figure shit out by myself.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;nah now im invested</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;whats up</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;It was dumb and impulsive. Don’t worry about it.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;wait was this a legit booty call</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;oh my god</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;NO. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;you hit me with a “you up” kahl</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;there are only two things that follow a “you up”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;fucking</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;and fucking with netflix on</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;No. God no. Shut the fuck up.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;kyle i have some bad news for you</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;No.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;your test results came in</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;Stop.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;it turns out that you have a bad case of amnesia</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;because you keep forgetting important details</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;like the fact that you texted me</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;also you have aids</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;Look. Can I come over for a bit? My Mom can’t see me like this. It’s one thing for me to sneak in late and it’s another thing for me to sneak in late fucking wasted. Stan left early and I don’t trust Kenny not to let me keep drinking.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;i mean </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;yeah sure ig<br/></b>
</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Kyle halfheartedly glanced around Cartman’s room, having a hard time actually focusing on anything due to how dizzy he was. Cartman had traded out his childhood toybox in exchange for shelves of video games, Pop figures, and other collectibles. He had a pretty professional looking gaming setup, with a trash can full of soda cans and assorted snack wrappers tucked beside his desk. A few articles of clothing were strewn about the floor, and his bed remained unmade. Cartman’s room was messy, but at the very least it was relatively sanitary. It also reeked of artificial cotton candy from Cartman vaping indoors, which likely overpowered the smell of sweat and garbage, so it was a relatively pleasant smell by comparison. The one thing that caught Kyle’s eye was the bed. Cartman had an actual queen size bed, which was ten times nicer than Kyle’s shitty twin bed. Without thinking he just flopped on the bed, happy to be off his feet. Walking all the way to Starks Pond was a bad idea, he hurt like hell.</p><p> </p><p>He rest his eyes for a moment, before he felt the weight on the bed shift as Cartman sat down beside him. He squinted one eye open to glance over at him. His expression was relatively blank, if not slightly confused. They didn’t really spend time alone together often, so the awkward silence was to be expected. Cartman caught Kyle looking at him, and quirked a brow in response, finally speaking. “Are you gonna puke?”</p><p> </p><p>“No...I’m feeling a little bit better now that I’m able to actually sit down somewhere air conditioned.” He grumbled, sitting up. “Thanks...by the way. I was kind of expecting you to tell me to fuck off.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ehh.” Cartman responded with an apathetic shrug. “I got nothing better to do. Watching you stumble around and say stupid shit is solid entertainment.” </p><p> </p><p>“Gee, thanks.” Kyle rolled his eyes. “Still...thanks for helping me, even if it’s just a roundabout way of fucking with me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, no problem. Fucking with you is basically my favorite hobby.” Cartman added with another shrug. “Well...gaming is. Then fucking with you.” Cartman paused. “Why didn’t you get Stan to do this? Aren’t you guys butt buddies?” Cartman made a lewd gesture to further elaborate on his butt buddies comment.</p><p> </p><p>“God no. I don’t think I could ever actually get together with Stan...I’m too worried about losing him if we ever broke up. That would be...like...the end of the friend group. It’s a scary fucking thought.” Kyle gave an amused huff. “I mean, I thought about it, but...he’s way too important to me for me to risk our friendship.” He added, pausing for a moment. “We’re kind of in the middle of a thing. He’s back to drinking...and...I kinda feel like that’s my fault...but there’s nothing I can do about it. Every time I actually try to talk to him he gets pissed at me. I’m kind of worried that I can’t fix things between us.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey. Fuck Stan.” Cartman chimed in. “Why bother making yourself miserable over shit you can’t control? It’s not worth giving a shit about. Just do what I do and only give a shit about yourself.” Cartman shrugged, reaching over to his nightstand to take a sip of a random energy drink that had been sitting there.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean...you give a shit about <em> me</em>. I don’t think you would’ve done this if you didn’t.” Kyle added, glancing over to Cartman, who shot him a look in return.</p><p> </p><p>“I couldn’t give two shits about you dude. I only did this because I was bored, otherwise I’d tell you to piss off.” Cartman replied defensively.</p><p> </p><p>“Well...any time I’ve ever been sick you’ve been there for me.” Kyle added.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, because I couldn’t fuck around with you if you straight up died.” Cartman rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Remember how upset you got when I almost moved to San Francisco?” Kyle replied, giving a hint of an amused smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Who the fuck was I supposed to fuck with if you moved away for good? Butters? He doesn’t get nearly as pissed off as you do, it’s not the same.” Cartman furrowed his brow, getting increasingly more defensive.</p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t you lie and tell the whole class we were dating because you didn’t like my girlfriend?”</p><p> </p><p>“Again, I was fucking with you. and in my defense, you turned out gay anyway. I did you a favor.” Cartman scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“Remember when you lied about the whole leprechaun thing and-“</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ohhhh my god</em>.” Cartman squinted his eyes shut in frustration and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Yeah that’s...so fucking embarrassing in hindsight. Why don’t we just ignore that one?” He gave a huff of a chuckle, hiding his face in his hand. “You remember way too much dude, next time you hit me up like this you better be way too wasted to pull shit or else I’m leaving you to fend for yourself.” He added, moving his hand away from his face and side eyeing Kyle.</p><p> </p><p>“No...I don’t think you would.” Kyle replied, sitting up straight and looking Cartman up and down.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll do it man. I’ll kick you out right now, no cap. Don’t try me.” Cartman immediately replied, raising his voice just a little. </p><p> </p><p>Without thinking, Kyle quickly leaned forward to press a brief kiss to Cartman’s lips. It was over just as soon as it started, an impulsive gesture to hammer in the point Kyle was making. For a split second he was amused with himself...but the silence that followed was deafening. Cartman blinked a few times, visibly shocked, his mouth hung open in surprise. He didn’t say anything. He just gave Kyle a confused glare. </p><p> </p><p>Kyle’s anxiety immediately sunk in. His posture shrunk and he awkwardly rubbed his own arm. “Sorry. I was just trying to prove a-“</p><p> </p><p>Cartman squinted his eyes shut and grabbed Kyle by the shirt with both hands, quickly yanking him close. Without warning he pressed a desperate kiss to Kyle’s lips, earning a surprised little noise from him. Kyle’s eyes went wide for a moment, before slowly fluttering closed. </p><p> </p><p>After a brief moment, Cartman let go and practically shoved Kyle away, nearly knocking him back on the bed. “Fuck...” Cartman grasped at his chest, looking away from Kyle as he struggled to regulate his breathing. All of a sudden, Cartman seemed like the nervous wreck.</p><p> </p><p>Kyle looked Cartman over, giving him a concerned squint. “Dude...are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes...no...obviously...shut the fuck up!” Cartman got defensive, glaring at Kyle. “Jesus fucking...this is your fault! Stupid...fucking...why are you doing this to me? I know I’ve been a dick to you but you don’t have to play fucking mind games with me. Is that why you’re here? Is this your fucking...revenge...for everything?” Cartman raised his voice, which cracked every so often as he struggled to breathe.</p><p> </p><p>Kyle let Cartman ramble for a moment, looking him up and down. “Cartman, calm down...” He spoke softly, leaning close and attempting to give him a comforting pat on the shoulder, only for Cartman to slink away like Kyle had the plague. “I’m not fucking with you. I just...I don’t know, maybe I got the wrong idea. It was impulsive. We can just forget this ever happened. Nobody has to know about it...it’s fine.” Kyle muttered, offering him a small, concerned smile.</p><p> </p><p>Cartman had calmed down quite a bit, offering Kyle a dubious squint. “How drunk are you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I...I mean, I feel a lot better than I did.” Kyle shrugged, answering the question despite the fact that he had no clue what Cartman was getting at. “I’m definitely lucid and making relatively rational decisions just fine...me kissing you was kind of impulsive but I sure as fuck chose to do it.“</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Fuck it</em>.” Cartman muttered under his breath. “Let me know if you want to stop.” He added, his tone and his face both absolutely deadpan.</p><p> </p><p>“...Stop...wh-“ Kyle couldn’t finish his inquiry as Cartman shoved him back against the headboard, knocking the wind out of him. Cartman then moved to straddle his legs, hips raised without putting any weight on Kyle. He grabbed Kyle by the chin to force eye contact with him.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me know if you want to stop.” He added, now that Kyle had ample context to understand what he was saying. He let go of Kyle’s face and traced his hand over to his shoulder, gripping the opposite shoulder with his free hand and roughly shoving him against the headboard as he led into a rough kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Before Kyle could even think of a reply he let out a sharp moan as Cartman kissed him. Mindlessly, he wrapped his arms around Cartman’s neck, tilting his head as he returned the kiss. The kiss was sloppy and quickly escalated, triggering soft moans from Kyle every so often, which were often followed by little growls from Cartman. Cartman’s hands traced down Kyle’s sides as they wrestled tongues. The first time he tried to break from the kiss, Kyle immediately pulled him back in, not wanting the moment to end out of fear of what the next moment might entail. He humored Kyle for a moment, then pulled away for real, a string of saliva connecting their mouths. Kyle panted, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. He looked up at Cartman wide eyed, and Cartman shot him a small smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“Dumb fucking slut.” Cartman mindlessly muttered. It was almost relieving that Cartman maintained the same attitude in the bedroom as he did out of it, Kyle thought to himself. He honestly didn’t know what he’d do if Cartman all of a sudden turned into a fluffy cuddle bug...their dynamic would be totally trashed if he did. He was kind of happy that nothing had changed, even if it meant Cartman continued to degrade him. He didn’t know what he’d do with himself if this changed everything and he regretted it.</p><p> </p><p>Also, the way he said it was kinda hot and went straight to his dick...but that was besides the point.</p><p> </p><p>Cartman dropped a hand to his pants, giving a little tug to his waistband with one finger, likely as a silent way of indicating what he planned on doing next. He worked at unbuttoning his jeans, as Kyle raised his hips to make the process of shuffling them down much easier. Cartman lightly palmed Kyle’s half hard cock over his underwear, smirking to himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh fuck...” Kyle sighed out, tilting his head back and letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment. Cartman had barely even gotten started, but Kyle was turned on as hell. Kyle had never actually hooked up with another guy before, all of his prior sexual experiences had been with women, but even those were brief and uneventful due to how young he was when they happened. He was, effectively, a virgin...but that wasn’t about to be something he let Cartman know. He knew for a fact Cartman was one as well since nobody wanted him, but Cartman would still absolutely make fun of him for it if he found out.</p><p> </p><p>“God, you’re easy...” Cartman muttered, dipping his fingers underneath the waistband to briefly tease Kyle’s long, slender, and now fully erect cock, tracing it with one finger. “You’re so fucking touch starved. I bet I can make you cum in, like, five seconds.” Cartman added with an amused snort.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck...” Kyle muttered, just taking in the feeling of someone else’s warm hand touching him down there. “You might be right.” He replied, even if it did inflate Cartman’s ego.</p><p> </p><p>Cartman gave an amused huff, clearly getting a kick out of Kyle’s reactions. He hitched Kyle’s boxers down, before unceremoniously spitting in his hand, then giving the base of his cock a small squeeze. “Say you’re a dumb slut.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? No...that’s so lame.” Kyle snorted, not taking Cartman very seriously.</p><p> </p><p>Cartman slowly stroked his cock, his other hand traveling to grip his chin once more to pull him into a rough kiss. “C’mon.” He spoke as he broke away from the kiss, stroking Kyle’s jaw with his thumb. “It’ll be hot.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’ll be <em> stupid</em>.” Kyle muttered in return.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You’re </em> stupid.” Cartman quipped back, stroking him a little faster. “A stupid little slut who’s fucking begging to get railed.”</p><p> </p><p>“God, you’re so fucking lame.” Kyle snickered, more amused by Cartman’s attempts at dirty talk than anything.</p><p> </p><p>“Ay, don’t disrespect someone with your dick in their hand.” Cartman huffed, giving his cock a little squeeze for emphasis, earning a soft moan from Kyle. “I’m doing you a fucking favor here, least you could do is say you’re a slut.” </p><p> </p><p>“Fine.” Kyle rolled his eyes, proceeding to sarcastically comply. “I’m a dumb sl-“ He was cut off by his own gasp as Cartman started stroking him faster.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn right.” Cartman muttered as he continued to pump his fist. “You’re mine. You’re my slut. Nobody...fucking nobody is allowed to touch you but me. You’re mine now.” He quickly worked Kyle’s shaft, getting winded and seeming to work up a sweat despite how little work he was doing.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god...” Kyle whined, desperately bucking his hips into Cartman’s hand as he got closer and closer. The sex high kicked in, and for a moment he didn’t care about how lame the whole dirty talk thing was. “Yes...fuck yes...I’m your little slut.” He moaned out, his voice gradually raising in both volume and pitch. “I’m so close...I’m so close I’m so close I’m so...” He whined, arching his back against the headboard as Cartman fervently pumped his cock. He desperately fucked Cartman’s hand as he came, letting out a final loud moan. He closed his eyes and panted to regain his breath, only cracking one eye opened as he felt Cartman wiping him off with a tissue.</p><p> </p><p>“I can do that myself...” Kyle muttered.</p><p> </p><p>“Bullshit, you were totally just gonna lay there. I’m doing you a fucking favor...the one thing worse than sneaking home drunk is sneaking home drunk and covered in jizz.” Cartman snorted, unceremoniously tossing the tissue to the floor...which was gross and made Kyle wonder just how often he tossed jizz tissues on the ground...but that was a concern for another time.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks...” Kyle muttered, wrapping his arms around Cartman and tightly hugging him, burying his face in his shoulder. He knew he was concerned about Cartman going soft and their dynamic never recovering...but at the same time, he did kinda want a hug, which Cartman gladly returned.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfff. Gay.” Cartman scoffed, grabbing Kyle’s ass in an effort to add some humor to the situation before it got too soft.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You’re </em> gay.” Kyle muttered in reply, just leaning all of his weight against Cartman.</p><p> </p><p>“No I’m not.” Cartman huffed, relatively offended.</p><p> </p><p>“Bullshit. We totally just made out. You touched a dick and you liked it.” Kyle chuckled, just about ready to fall asleep like this.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, real talk, I’m not gay. Deadass.” Cartman replied about as seriously as he could. “You’re like...my one exception. I’ve wanted to fucking rail you stupid for years just to shut you the fuck up.” He added in a low tone. “And I’m fucking gonna next time.” He added with a snicker.</p><p> </p><p>“Next time?” Kyle replied, pulling away from the hug to look at Cartman. </p><p> </p><p>“Did I fucking stutter?” Cartman rolled his eyes. “We already came this far dude. Well...<em>you</em> came this far.” He vaguely gestured to Kyle’s crotch. “There’s no undoing this shit. This is like...a thing now. Me jacking you off cemented this as a thing.” He paused. “...It semen-ted it.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god.” Kyle gave an annoyed huff, turning his attention to getting his pants back on. </p><p> </p><p>“What? It’s true. We can’t go back to a time where I haven’t touched your dick. Frankly it’d be kinda weird if this were a one time thing. The only way to prevent this from turning into one awkward thing is to just keep fucking for the foreseeable future.” Cartman added with a shrug.</p><p> </p><p>“I really don’t want to admit that I kind of agree with you.” Kyle huffed, once again fully dressed. “We can’t let the guys know anything though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you really think this is something I’d tell the guys?” Cartman quirked a brow. “Fuck no.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good. Let’s just pretend like everything is normal. We still hate eachother in a totally non sexual way.” Kyle added with a small nod.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, we’re fucking, we’re not <em>dating</em>...how hard can it be?” Cartman just shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfff...didn’t you just say that I’m yours and nobody else is allowed to touch me? I feel like that kind of borders on wanting things to be exclusive.” Kyle snorted, rolling his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Well yeah. We’re fucking...so nobody else is allowed to fuck you. I don’t wanna catch mega aids or something just because you let someone else up your ass.” Cartman replied, defensively. “Also don’t even date anyone else. I don’t wanna catch mega aids because you let someone hug you or something.” He added, making total sense...to himself at the very least.</p><p> </p><p>“Right, we’re exclusively “just fucking”. Got it.” Kyle replied, amused, but not willing to argue out the whole thing with Cartman. The “dating” label felt inappropriate for the two of them anyway, considering they weren’t exactly in a standard romantic relationship. Exclusively fucking felt the closest to whatever the fuck they were doing. “I really gotta head home. Thanks for giving me a place to hide out from my Mom.” </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, no problem. I’d do the same fucking thing if I had your mom.” Cartman nodded, giving a little “ok” gesture with his hand.</p><p> </p><p>Kyle made his way out of Cartman’s room and out of his house, walking himself home...which was thankfully only two houses down from Cartman’s. Thankfully, he was able to sneak inside just fine without waking anybody. Without removing any of his clothes, he simply collapsed on his bed, falling asleep the second he did.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p>“Shit...” Kyle muttered, scrolling up and down his conversation with Cartman incredulously. His initial reaction was disgust with himself. Hooking up was so unlike him...and with Cartman no less. Still...Cartman was right. He couldn’t back out of it now. It already happened. </p><p> </p><p>Kyle hooked up with Eric Cartman.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Tweeks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kyle heads to Tweeks to get some coffee.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well shit, if I would’ve known changing this fic from an M to an E rating by adding 3k words of smut would make this fic more popular I would’ve done that to begin with</p><p>As always! Rate/comment/bookmark/etc if you’re interested in me continuing this!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kyle slowly made his way downstairs, glancing around the house in an effort to both locate his parents and avoid them. He heard noise coming from the kitchen, so he peeked around the doorframe to see what was going on. His mother seemed to be cleaning up, presumably because they had just had breakfast, and Ike was at the kitchen table watching YouTube videos at full volume on his phone. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh good, Kyle, you’re finally awake!” His mother smiled at him, indicating that Kyle had totally blown his cover. “I didn’t want to wake you...you must’ve come home pretty late. Want some pancakes?”</p><p> </p><p>“No thanks, I’m good...” Kyle raised his hand dismissively. He was still nauseous from the night prior, so breakfast felt like a bad idea. </p><p> </p><p>“Suit yourself. We have plenty of fruit...oh! Your father and I are doing this whole meal prep thing now! There’s weeks worth of food in the freezer that’s ready to heat up. Isn’t that just the smartest thing? I’m cooking a lot less now that there’s only one extra mouth to feed...” She stepped behind Ike’s chair and gave his hair an affectionate tousle. Ike seemed unaffected, his eyes glued to his phone. “...So it’s nice to have food ready made. You know, your father and I argue a lot less now that there’s no pressure on what to have for dinner.” She hummed, returning to cleaning.</p><p> </p><p>Kyle simply listened to his mother talk. He knew that one of the best ways to show affection to her was simply to sit and listen to her talk, even if he was uninterested in what she was saying and she went on for an hour nonstop. He opted to actually sit down at the table, glancing over to Ike, who remained otherwise motionless. “...Whatcha watchin’?” He attempted to make some form of small talk.</p><p> </p><p>“Fortnite funny moments #49.” He replied, not looking up from the screen. </p><p> </p><p>“...Cool.” Kyle nodded. Kyle really had no way of relating to him, the last video game Kyle actually got into was Warcraft long before he started school. School kept him from doing a lot of things he enjoyed. Maybe now that he was dropping out he could get back into gaming. He glanced back to his mom, who was still focused on cleaning. He could tell her right now...but...it didn’t feel like the right time. Not with Ike in the middle at the very least. “I’ll take a banana, actually. I think I’m gonna head to Tweeks. It’s been forever since I had some real coffee.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds good, Kyle, just let me know if you need anything. Maybe try and make it home for some family time later...it’s great that you’re seeing all of your friends again but your father and I deserve some Kyle time too! We only get to see you so often y’know.” She handed Kyle a banana from the counter.</p><p> </p><p>“Right. Yeah...sorry about that. I’ve been really stressed out with school...it’s nice to just be able to hang out with the guys again, yknow?” Kyle spoke, peeling his banana.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh don’t worry, I understand Kyle! You deserve a break.” His mother smiled at him, seemingly taking no offense to the excuses he was making. “You’re a big boy now, you can make your own decisions...I just hope that moving forward some of those decisions involve spending time with your mother.” She stopped cleaning, opting to lean against the counter. “Do you think you could at least be home for dinner?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Sure. Sounds good.” Kyle nodded, silently reminding himself to get home at a decent time. “Thanks Mom...I’m gonna head out. Love you.” He shot his Mom a wave and practically jolted out of his chair. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Kyle made his way down to Tweek Bros, dragging his feet along the sidewalk with his eyes fixated on the ground. He didn’t want to risk accidentally making eye contact with someone who knew him and trigger a whole conversation about how he’s been and what he’s been up to. He just wanted coffee.</p><p> </p><p>He glanced up at the storefront, noting that little had changed. Hanging plants adorned the front of the store, and a couple of metal tables sat outside. The most notable change was what seemed to be a community garden of sorts on the right of the store. Otherwise, it was the same as it had ever been. Kyle gave a hint of a smile, and made his way inside.</p><p> </p><p>There were already two other people in front of him by the time Kyle stepped in line, so Kyle took the opportunity to glance around. Aside from there being a few more plants than before, it was the same as it was the last time he was here. He peered around the people in front of him and caught a glimpse of Tweek rushing back and forth behind the counter trying to fill orders, hyper focused on what he was doing. He had his hair back in a short ponytail, with a thick silver septum ring in his nose and a handful of piercings along his ears, a safety pin shaped industrial piercing adorning the right one. The bags under his eyes were deeper than the last time Kyle saw him, with a deep purple tint to them. </p><p> </p><p>Once Kyle made his way to the front, it took a moment for Tweek to notice him, as he anxiously rushed to clean up a small bit of coffee he had spilled. He eventually looked up, his face lighting up when he realized it was Kyle. “Kyle!” Tweek grinned, ticcing a few times, his head briefly jerking to the side. “Oh my god, it’s been forever!”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey dude, how’s it going?” Kyle smiled, happy to be greeted with such enthusiasm. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Things are good, I’ve been running the shop on my own mostly...my dad says I’m going to be running the shop until I die because he didn’t pay for all of our equipment just for it to go to waste the second he retired...it’s great!” Tweek gave a nervous chuckle that sounded more like a cry for help as he started working on a drink for Kyle, having remembered his usual order after all this time. </p><p> </p><p>“Jeez, that sounds like a lot of pressure.” Kyle shot Tweek a concerned glance, who gave another nervous chuckle in return.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, absolutely! I’m on the verge of a heart attack from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep...given that I actually sleep and don’t just lie in bed and contemplate my own mortality until sunrise. But it’s rewarding at the end of the day.” Tweek prattled on as he rushed back and forth. “Sometimes my boyfriend will just hang out here to keep me from flying off the deep end, kinda like one of those goats they use to calm horses down. It’s kinda nice...”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, how has Craig been?” Kyle replied. Tweek slowed down, slowly pacing back over to Kyle and gently setting his drink down, a look of shock on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Craig kinda...disappeared.” Tweek murmured with another tic. </p><p> </p><p>“Disappeared?” Kyle quirked a brow, taking his drink and proceeding to offer Tweek cash to pay for it, only for Tweek to raise his hand dismissively, indicating that Kyle didn’t need to pay.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. It kinda just...happened. One day everything was fine...the next day he skipped town. No warning. Not even his parents know where he went. He just...left.” Tweek let out a heavy sigh. “Things had been kinda on-and-off for us for years so...I wasn’t too surprised. Just hurt.” Tweek muttered, nervously rubbing his arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh...” Kyle averted his eyes, feeling bad for bringing the mood down. “I’m sorry to hear that dude, you deserve way better than that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no, it’s fine!” Tweek raised a hand dismissively, forcing a smile. “My current partners are great, really. With Craig I was always walking on eggshells...we fought so often...I think the only reason we ever got together is that other people thought it was best for us...when it really wasn’t. I think we’re better off apart...and I hope he’s doing well...wherever he is.”</p><p> </p><p>Kyle nodded, happy to hear that Tweek wasn’t totally miserable at the very least. Kyle couldn’t imagine going through what Tweek went through. If someone he really cared about, like Stan, suddenly dropped off the face of the earth, Kyle knew he would obsess over it every second of every day trying to get him back. “Partners?” Kyle inquired, trying not to sound too judgmental. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah. Michael and Pete. Michael is actually someone Craig was cheating on me with for a while...we sort of got into contact when Craig left and things just kinda...happened. Pete is a regular I got close to because of how often he was here...coincidentally, he and Michael were dating before I was even in the picture, so me joining the relationship just kinda...happened.” Tweek shrugged. “They introduced me to the local alt scene, which has kinda helped my anxiety about the government and how it’s fucking us all over...now I have an outlet for that shit.” He smiled, idly fidgeting with a pen.</p><p> </p><p>“Michael and Pete...” Kyle squinted, trying to remember where he knew those names from. “Do I know them?”</p><p> </p><p>“The goth kids.” Tweek elaborated. “They’re actually really cool. I bet you’d get along with them, you have pretty similar views on a lot of things.” Tweek nodded, a soft smile on his face. He seemed far more relaxed with the change of topic.</p><p> </p><p>“Ohhhh! Them!” Kyle nodded affirmatively. He had never really hung out with the goth kids one on one before. He knew Stan was friends with them, but Kyle had never formally spent time with them. With how highly Tweek spoke of them, they seemed nice. “I’m happy for you dude.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks...” Tweek sighed, not nearly as tense as he was before. He genuinely seemed to be doing better these days, and Kyle was happy for him. “Have you seen Melody yet? She’s been talking about you ever since you got home, I bet she’d love to hang out with you.” He added with a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Who’s Melody?” Kyle quirked a brow. That definitely wasn’t a name he recognized.</p><p> </p><p>Tweek paused, his previously relaxed posture immediately tensing up. His eyes went wide, his fists balled up. He looked like he had just done something terrible and was drowning in guilt from it. “Oh...you don’t...know?” His eyes darted around anxiously.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I have no clue...” Kyle rubbed the back of his neck, feeling guilty for not remembering whoever Melody was.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve...really missed out on a lot, huh?” Tweek almost aggressively clicked the pen in his hand to distract himself. “Look...nevermind. It’s not my place to say. Just...forget I said anything.” He gave a nervous chuckle, fiddling with the pen and nearly dropping it, fumbling to catch it.</p><p> </p><p>“...Okay.” Kyle shrugged, eyebrows furrowed with confusion. He took a sip of his coffee to fill the silence, not wanting to press Tweek further. </p><p> </p><p>“...It was really nice seeing you.” Tweek changed the subject, shooting Kyle a smile. “I should...really get back to work though.” He added, vaguely gesturing to his workspace.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, nice seeing you dude.” Kyle nodded, giving Tweek a little wave with his free hand. “Have a good day man.”</p><p> </p><p>“HAH! I’ll try!” Tweek nodded, picking up a rag and obsessively cleaning the already clean counter.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Kyle stepped out of the store, immediately opening up his phone. In the time that he was talking to Tweek, Cartman had sent him a second irrelevant meme. Opting to ignore it solely because he had absolutely no clue how to respond, he made his way to Facebook instead. There, he went to Tweek’s page.</p><p> </p><p>Tweek had a lot of photos from concerts, some of which including the goth kids. It was wild, seeing Tweek going out of his way to attend loud, crowded events. It was nice to see how well he was doing. Still, that’s not why Kyle was here. He tapped into Tweek’s friend list and searched for “Melody”. </p><p> </p><p>An account by the name of “Melody S.” came up. It had a pastel pink avatar featuring the Sanrio character My Melody. Kyle tapped on the avatar and started swiping through, looking for an actual photo to identify who this was. While most of the photos were just random cutesy anime avatars, Kyle eventually stumbled across a mirror photo of “Melody” showing off her outfit, with her face censored by a kawaii sticker of a bunny. The outfit included the same shirt that Butters had worn to his party, as well as a pink pleated skirt and white tights with pastel pink Mary Janes. </p><p> </p><p>“Huh.” Kyle muttered, blinking a few times out of shock. He had no idea what to do with this information. He didn’t want to let Butters...Melody...know that Tweek had told him. This was one of those things that he...or she...had to come to Kyle with on her own time. He tapped out of her profile and made his way over to the “Butters” profile that he was already friends with. It seemed to be updated significantly less, with outdated photos, but there were still seemingly daily updates from some Hello Kitty themed farming game on her timeline. Kyle opted to shoot her a message.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&gt;Hey, wanna hang out later? </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;kyle!!!!!!! :D</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>She immediately replied, to Kyle’s surprise.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;i would love to!</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;im gonna be at the mall later if you wanna meet up! we have a japanese import store with so much cute stuff now</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&gt;That sounds really cool, I’ll see you there.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Kyle smiled to himself, happy that his friend was happy. She deserved better, and Kyle was happy to make her happy. Sighing, he finally replied to Cartman.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&gt;That’s not funny.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;exactly, thats the point</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;its ironic</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;and its hella rude to leave me on read when im going out of my way to share my sick meme finds with you</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&gt;Sorry. Busy morning.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;suuuuuuure. youre totally not just ignoring me</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&gt;Dude I’m not. I just have no idea what to say. </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Kyle sighed. The brief silence following his last message was deafening.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&gt;We should really talk in person. This is really hard over text.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;bet. you coming to eat with us?</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&gt;What do you mean? </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;oh you didnt get invited? that sucks</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&gt;Invited where?</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;clyde is still working at mcdonalds so sometimes we go just to make fun of him</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;me and the guys are headed there soon</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&gt;They invited you and not me?</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;guess so. </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&gt;Shit. That’s cold.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;maybe they just forgot, idk</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&lt;just come, itll probably be fine</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&gt;I guess.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Kyle sighed, putting his phone away. Going out to eat with the guys now. Hanging out with Melody later. Coming home for dinner eventually. He could handle all of that, right? He took a deep breath, and made his way towards McDonalds.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Fucked</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kyle and the guys hang out at McDonalds.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>One and a half chapters in one day? It’s more likely than you’d think!</p><p>If you’re interested in frequent updates like this, let me know!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kyle made his way to McDonalds, taking a good look at it. It was a weird thing to be nostalgic about, but something about it triggered pleasant memories. There, he saw Cartman near the curb, presumably waiting for him. Cartman shot him a sarcastic little salute of a wave, giving a small smirk.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“<em>Heeeeeey</em>...” Kyle greeted him with an awkward wave and an uncomfortable smile. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh no. Don’t you pull that shit now.” Cartman pointed to him with an accusatory tone, whatever hint of a smile on his face was long gone. “We agreed shit wouldn’t get awkward between us dude. Miss me with that “<em>heeeey</em>” shit.” He scoffed, clearly a bit upset. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry! I just have no fucking clue what to say, alright? What am I supposed to say here?” Kyle raised his hands defensively, his brow furrowed with annoyance.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe that you’re happy to see me. That the sick memes I sent you totally made your morning since you’ve been a sad sack ever since you got home. That I’m super hot and you can’t wait to get railed by my magnum dong.” Cartman shrugged. “You know. Romantic shit.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god...” Kyle rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying not to laugh, as he didn’t want to let Cartman know he was actually kinda funny. “Hi Cartman. Good to see you. Thanks for the lame memes. I really appreciate the gesture...happy?” Kyle rolled his eyes with a small smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“Much better.” Cartman yanked Kyle into a side hug, clearly happy with himself. “Was that so hard?” Cartman jokingly pat him on the ass.</p><p> </p><p>“Immensely. It was basically torture. Don’t make me compliment you ever again.” Kyle gave an amused scoff.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re real funny for a dead man.” Cartman spoke in a quiet deadpan, letting Kyle go with a soft shove. “Come on. You gotta see Clyde’s lame little uniform. He looks like shit.”</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>The four boys sat at one of the large corner booths near the back, splitting a few orders of fries that sat between them on a tray in a large mound. They idly watched Clyde, who was in fact wearing a lame little uniform as he mopped up a spill. Every so often he would glare at them, but otherwise he was silent, likely because he didn’t want to risk his job.</p><p> </p><p>“Man, I get depressed every time I see him.” Stan sighed, shaking his head judgmentally. “One day the dude was bragging about his football scholarship...the next day? Bam. He lost everything.”</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” Kyle tilted his head, looking Clyde up and down.</p><p> </p><p>“Same thing that always happens. His dick got him in trouble.” Kenny snickered, chucking a fry over by Clyde for him to clean up with an amused smirk. “He forgot to card some junior he was fucking around with. Soon as her parents found out they flipped and turned all of Park county against him. Dudes branded as a pedo for life.” Kenny snorted.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus...” Kyle shook his head. “I mean, I’m not surprised...but still. That’s insane.” He took a sip of his drink, continuing to watch Clyde work.</p><p> </p><p>“It makes fucking with him way more fun.” Cartman snorted. “Sometimes when I’m bored as fuck I call here pretending to be a girl trapped in his basement. He doesn’t find it funny...but I sure as fuck do.” Cartman snickered, taking a sip of his drink.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, that’s so lame.” Kyle shook his head with an amused sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re lame.” Cartman gave him an affectionate shove, snickering to himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, you’re definitely the lame one. No contest.” He shoved Cartman back, chuckling under his breath with a giddy smile on his face. Afterwards he glanced up at Stan and Kenny on the other side of the booth. Stan was staring at the two of them, slowly blinking with palpable confusion. Kenny just smirked, taking a loud sip out of his drink.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god...” Stan muttered, hiding his face in his hands and shaking his head in disappointment.</p><p> </p><p>“You two fucked!” Kenny grinned, stuffing his face with a handful of fries.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. That's On You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Stan and Kenny get suspicious.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Daily updates? To MY cringey South Park AU? It's more likely than you'd think.</p><p>But seriously, updates will only be as frequent as kudos/comments/etc. I know I've been doing a lot of begging, which I don't usually do, but it's the only way I can really gauge interest for this fic. It's gonna be LONG and it's only worth finishing if there's actual interest for it. Fuck knows I've spent more time on fics that performed much more poorly and I don't wanna make that mistake again.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“<em>What?</em>” Kyle scoffed in disbelief. He glanced over to Cartman, who seemed completely unfazed. “No. No no no no. Fuck no! That’s not even remotely funny Kenny.” He raised his hands defensively.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, take a joke.” Kenny rolled his eyes, continuing to stuff his face. “You’re sure as hell acting like it though. Like, have you seen you two today?” He vaguely gestured between the two. “Why are you acting all...cutesy? It’s fucking disgusting.”</p><p> </p><p>Stan stayed silent, keeping his head on the table. Kyle glanced over to him with concern, worried that he couldn’t see the expression on his face. Even if Kenny was joking...Stan caught onto something. Stan new Kyle better than anyone...he knew something. </p><p> </p><p>“We’re not acting “cutesy”, and it’s fucking disgusting that you’d imply that.” Kyle huffed.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d be hurt by the fact that you’re acting like fucking me is the absolute worst thing in the world if the feeling wasn’t mutual.” Cartman wrinkled his nose with feigned disgust. “You know he’s just fucking with you, right? Have you really been gone for so long that you forgot how to take a fuckin’ joke? Triggered much?” Cartman invaded Kyle’s personal space, attempting to poke his face, which Kyle dodged away from.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a shitty joke!” Kyle sneered, leaning away from his touch like he had the plague. </p><p> </p><p>“Jeez, don’t get your ass in a twist.” Kenny scoffed. “You’re still acting super weird though. It’s honestly kinda scaring me that Cartman hasn’t said a slur in the past five minutes. I think you broke him.” He gestured to Cartman with a fry.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude just...drop it.” Stan grumbled, finally sitting up. “This conversation like...physically hurts to listen to.” </p><p> </p><p>“Shit, you’re in a mood too?” Kenny scoffed. “Fuck, if I would’ve known this was gonna be a pity party I wouldn’t have showed up. I thought we were just here to fuck with Clyde.” He added, chucking another fry at Clyde, this one actually hitting him. Clyde shot him a glare, only for Kenny to flip him off in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I’m just gonna go.” Stan got up, starting to walk away without another word.</p><p> </p><p>“Stan, don’t...” Kyle furrowed his brow with concern.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I’m leaving</em>.” He replied without turning around, making his way for the door.</p><p> </p><p>“God dammit...” Kyle muttered, raising to his feet to chase after him.</p><p> </p><p>Once both of them were out of the building, Kenny looked to the door, then to Cartman, before stealing Stan’s drink and taking a long, awkward sip. “So did you two, like, actually fuck?”</p><p> </p><p>“You seriously think I’d fuck Kyle?” Cartman scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean...yeah.” Kenny shrugged. “I just didn’t think he’d fuck you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ay! Kyle would totally fuck me!” Cartman huffed, seemingly offended. “I’m a solid 9.5, Kyle would be lucky to fuck someone like me.” He sneered at Kenny.</p><p> </p><p>Kenny took another long, awkward sip of his drink. “Oh...so you guys <em>FUCKED </em>fucked.”</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>“Stan, wait...” Kyle chased Stan down as he made his way out to the parking lot.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, I’m done.” Stan replied, not turning around.</p><p> </p><p>“Stan...”</p><p> </p><p>“I said I’m done.” Stan finally turned around, giving Kyle a dirty glare. “I don’t know what your deal is dude. I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish here...but I’m not doing this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stan, what are you talking about?” Kyle sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“What, you don’t talk to me for years then all of a sudden the minute you’re home you’re besties Cartman...or worse, actually fucking him? If this is some fucking cry for my attention you’ve got a really shitty way of going about it.” Stan crossed his arms, quirking a brow at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Stan, this isn’t some conspiracy against you.” Kyle scoffed. “Have you even stopped to think about what I’ve been going through lately? I haven’t talked to you in so long because I’ve been in too much pain. School has been fucking killing me...I haven’t gone to class in months because I’ve been too depressed to leave my room, and I knew if I reached out to you I’d want to drop everything and come home. I wanted to actually fucking accomplish what I set out to do...and I still failed because even though I only have a few months left...I can’t go back. I just...can’t...” Kyle sniffled, his posture dropping. “And the only reason I even started hanging out with Cartman is because you won’t actually fucking listen to me or make any effort to actually better yourself, so if you’re so viscerally fucking offended by me spending time with him, that’s on you.” Kyle huffed, raising his hands in an “I give up” gesture.</p><p> </p><p>Stan stayed silent for a moment. He looked Kyle up and down, then scoffed. “Shit dude...” He shook his head. “Why do you gotta keep making shit about yourself?” Without another word, he made his way to his car, slamming the door shut for emphasis.</p><p> </p><p>Kyle silently watched Stan drive away. He stood there for a moment, staring blankly at the empty parking spot. He was numb. He had to be numb. He didn’t want to feel whatever the alternative was. He sighed, then made his way back inside.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.” Kenny waved to Kyle. “Did Stan fuck off?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah...” Kyle sighed, plopping back down beside Cartman and eating a handful of cold fries.</p><p> </p><p>“Figured as much.” Kenny shrugged. “Don’t let it get to you. Dude is basically always like this lately. I try not to talk about anything too deep with him, he’s way nicer when we just drink and do stupid shit.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s the problem. I actually want to talk to him about deep shit. He’s sitting on a lot right now...someone has to help him.” Kyle muttered.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude dug himself into a deep hole. It’s gonna take a fuckton of digging to get him back out of it. Shit isn’t gonna get better overnight.” Kenny shrugged. “Probably doesn’t help that you’re butt buddies with Cartman now.” He gestured between the two.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re not...” Kyle began.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, do I look like I give a shit?” Kenny scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You don’t have to whine and get all defensive with me. I genuinely do not care. Fuck whoever you want.” Kenny paused, taking a sip of his drink. “You’re just like, really bad at hiding it.” He added.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s...almost kinda comforting.” Kyle sighed, subtly leaning a bit of weight against Cartman. Cartman had been relatively silent through most of the conversation, mostly fucking around on his phone. He gave a small smirk as Kyle leaned against him...though he could also be looking at a deeply unfunny meme. If Kyle gave as few shits as Cartman, maybe they could’ve pulled this off. “Thanks Kenny.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey man, no problem.” Kenny nodded. “Don’t let Stan get to you. He’s like...never not throwing a shit fit lately. He’ll probably get over it.”</p><p> </p><p>“God, I hope so...” Kyle muttered, checking his phone. “Shit, I gotta go...do a thing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, you’re ditching us?” Cartman scoffed. “We were gonna go throw rocks at shit.”</p><p> </p><p>“You guys still just...throw rocks at shit? Like, that’s a good day for you?” Kyle squinted.</p><p> </p><p>“...Yeah?” Cartman replied.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, pretty much.” Kenny nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“As fun as that sounds...I really gotta go. See you guys.” Kyle waved, rushing out the door before he could get roped into anything further. It was kind of depressing just how little there was to do in South Park...but Kyle would take too little to do over too much. Spending time with Melody seemed far more relaxing than awkwardly hanging out with Cartman and Kenny.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Happy-ish</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kyle meets up with Melody at the mall</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Since the new special was released, now seems like as good a time as any to start updating this again! This chapter is kind of a nothing chapter but next chapter will likely shift the focus back to kyman</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kyle wandered into the mall with his fists in his pockets, idly glancing around. “Shit...” Kyle muttered to himself as he took in the sight of the remains of the dying mall. It was mostly empty, and several of the stores were closed. The mall had decayed since Kyle was last here, another reminder of the things that had gotten worse since Kyle left South Park. He made his way towards the fountain, where Melody sat, idly throwing coins in.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh! Hey Kyle!” She waved to him once she caught him out of the corner of her eye. She beamed, as if her mood was instantly lifted by Kyle simply showing up. Kyle was just happy to make her happy. Taking the time to hang out with her was a perfectly selfless task...with all of his friends telling him that he was self centered, he wanted to change. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey Butters...” Kyle paused, uncomfortably shifting his eyes back and forth. “Say, uhh...what would you prefer I call you? That’s kind of a conversation we haven’t had yet.” He vaguely gestured towards Butters. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can call me Butters.” Melody shrugged. “Butters is just a nickname after all, I still kinda like it! Melody works too...and I don’t really care what pronouns you use...we’ve been friends for a long time and all.” She added with a smile.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cool...” Kyle nodded, shifting his glance again. “Sorry if I’m being awkward, I just...feel like I’ve missed a lot here and I’m not sure what the first step to catching up is.” He added, vaguely gesturing to Melody again. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s okay Kyle, I get it! I make things awkward a lot too...I’ve had to have this conversation with so many people...not even half of them were as nice about it as you are. I guess you could call that a win!” She stood up, straightening out the pink skirt she was wearing overtop white leggings. She also wore a pale blue Hello Kitty shirt and an assortment of hair clips and beaded bracelets. Melody seemed to dress herself in a fairly childish fashion. Perhaps this stemmed from how emotionally stunted she was, or a lack of a traditionally female childhood...but Kyle wasn’t going to psychoanalyze her. There was a reason he went into journalism and not psychology.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah...I guess that’s something.” He shrugged it off, following her as she lead him towards the Japanese import store. The storefront was cute and decorated with assorted plush toys. Kyle simply glanced around as Melody went straight for their candy section. “You seem happy.” Kyle added, not really thinking until the words had already left his mouth. He didn’t want to draw attention to the fact his mother had over shared about Melody’s situation to him...but he didn’t want to ignore it. He knew some part of Melody’s cheery demeanor was a facade and he felt some obligation to break through it. He had this overwhelming need to fix people...that was why he clung to Stan for as long as he had.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, yeah...I guess.” She shrugged, averting her glance to a box of Japanese candy. “I’ve been doin’ a lot to make myself happy lately...someones gotta.” She added with a small smile. “I got a few nice friends in the area...and I got my mom. That’s something, right?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah...I’m happy you have that much.” Kyle muttered, averting his glance as well. “Why do you stay in South Park? I mean I left because I had it bad...but South Park has been shitty to you ten times worse your whole life...why stay?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My Mom, mostly.“ Melody shrugged. “South Park is nice and small...it’s familiar. Sometimes that’s a bad thing...but I kinda like it. I don’t really see myself anywhere else.” She added, glancing over to Kyle. “How did you know you wanted to leave.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was kind of a spur of the moment thing. I had just graduated and my parents were pushing college on me already. It was just something I had to do. Even if I didn’t want to leave, it’s what they wanted.” Kyle replied, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I knew I had to leave...it wasn’t until I was gone that I realized how bad leaving hurt me. It’s like I can’t win no matter what I do...but for now I’m choosing South Park.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I’m happy if you’re happy...or uhh...happy-ish.” Melody smiled, grabbing some candy to buy. “Be sure to talk to me whenever you need someone, alright? I’ll always be here.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah...thanks Butters.” Kyle nodded.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Emergency Exit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kyle talks to Stan’s mom, then runs to Cartman to avoid his problems</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Back to Kyman content! The next chapter(s) one of my favorite ones I have planned and the second major plot point that isn’t just Kyle running into various inhabitants of South Park and seeing what they’re up to.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kyle made his way home from the mall, on foot, once again. He huffed to himself, still readjusting to traveling everywhere on foot. He knew he’d look like a jackass if he actually borrowed his parents car and drove the four blocks to and from the mall, so he pressed on. He was on his way home for dinner, just like his mother asked. He made the effort to get home early, as to avoid any further suspicion from his family. Maybe tonight he could actually talk to them about dropping out. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kyle stood in his front yard and glanced up at his house. The lights were on, his parents were probably already preparing for dinner without him. All he had to do was head inside. He took a stiff breath, then glanced down the sidewalk in the direction of Stan’s house. He had to be home by now, right? Kyle was already early...surely he had enough time to go check on Stan and still make it home in time for dinner. He’d quickly head over to Stan’s house to see if he was home then quickly head back home just in time for dinner. No big deal. He probably didn’t even live with his parents anymore anyway. Kyle probably wouldn’t even run into him. He’d just say hi to Stan’s parents and that would be the end of it.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kyle turned, and made his way down the sidewalk to Stan’s house. He silently made note of the fact that he would rather argue with Stan again than confront his parents...but he opted to ignore that thought. Thoughts like those are the reason why he chose journalism over psychology. Fuck knows he would’ve dropped out way sooner if he had to psychoanalyze himself any more than he normally did. He sighed, and knocked on Stan’s door. He counted to himself as he waited for someone to answer the door, ready to dash if it took any longer than 10 seconds. After knocking he realized just how little he wanted this confrontation, yet something was pushing him to continue trying to fix things. He knew that he and Stan were in and out of petty fights long before Kyle actually left, which was part of why Kyle initially wanted to abandon his life in South Park and start over, but some part of Kyle wanted to come home and have things just return to normal...the old normal, where he and Stan were fighting their bullshit together instead of against eachother. He closed his eyes and mentally counted down from 10, ready to run once he hit 1, when he heard the door slowly open.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kyle?” Stan’s mother stood in the doorway, looking to Kyle with a blank, only mildly confused expression. Stan’s mom showed no real signs of aging, which was shocking given the bullshit she had to deal with on a daily basis. Kyle liked Stan’s mom. He was almost relieved to see her over anyone else. He hadn’t actually prepared anything to say if Stan opened the door, and he definitely didn’t know what to say if it was his dad or his sister. This was probably the best possible outcome. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi...Mrs. Marsh.” Kyle gave an awkward wave. “Is Stan home?” The words left his mouth before he could actually determine whether or not he actually wanted the answer. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm...yes and no.” She crossed her arms, leaning against the doorway. “Stanley’s in a bit of a funk right now...he doesn’t really want anyone to know where he is.” She shrugged, giving a small sign.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh I...totally get it.” Kyle nodded, silently thrilled that Stan didn’t actually want to talk, despite how much Kyle had been pushing him to do so. He wanted to make things better...but the act of actually trying to make things better had been an uphill battle that had been exhausting to fight. He was on the verge of giving up, which pained him. “Has Stan been...doing okay?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well...” Stan’s mother took a long pause, her silence speaking volumes. “Stan...has depression. We’ve known this for years and as much as we like to deny it when things are good...it kinda sneaks up on him...on all of us. As much as I’ve tried to fight it for him...I’ve had to make my bed with the fact that sometimes Stan is depressed...there’s nothing either of us can do about that.” She sighed, shrugging. “I’m sure he’d be upset with me for sharing any of that with you, but...I get it. Believe me, I’ve been there every time he slammed me out of his room after I did everything in my power to make everything okay for him.” She added with a pathetic chuckle.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kyle’s gaze slowly drifted to the ground as Stan’s mother’s words echoed in the back of his head. He knew trying to fix Stan felt futile, but she drew attention to just how futile it actually was. Kyle knew Stan was depressed...but Kyle wanted so badly for there to be a solution to all of his problems and for things to just go back to normal. He didn’t know what to say or what to do to...repairing his relationship with Stan was feeling more and more futile the more he actually tried to fix things. Things weren’t going to go back to normal...and Kyle didn’t know how long he could stand the new normal. He didn’t want to fight with Stan every time they saw eachother. Maybe it was in both of their best interest if he just...stopped.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey...” Stan’s mother sighed. “Look, you were Stanley’s best friend for years...that means a lot. He’s only lashing out at you now because he loves you.” She offered him a small smile. “Things are going to be okay soon enough...loving Stan just takes a lot of work. Fuck knows he got that from his Father.” She gave another chuckle. “Do you want to come in for dinner? I can’t promise Stanley will actually come eat with us, but-“</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, no it’s...fine.” He raised his hands dismissively. “Thank you for talking to me...really. It...put a lot of things in perspective.” He nodded. “I should really head home.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, no worries Kyle. You’re welcome here any time.” She smiled. “Thanks...for everything you’ve done for Stan.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mmhm.” Kyle was quick to make his way out of the Marsh’s yard, stomping home. He felt numb. Loving Stan was work, that much was true...but Kyle didn’t know how much longer he could keep fighting. Did that make him selfish? That certainly was what everyone else was telling him. He made his way to his yard and stared up at his house once more. Inside were his parents, his brother, and the conversation he had been avoiding ever since he got home. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No. Fuck that. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Subconsciously, he made his way to Cartman’s house. He wasn’t thinking about what he was doing, he was just ruminating about Stan and school and he needed an escape. He spammed his doorbell without hesitation, not wanting to be left alone with his thoughts a moment longer.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Moments later, Cartman opened the door, dressed in a dubiously clean graphic tee and pajama pants, clearly having no intention on leaving the house before Kyle showed up. “Jesus, what’s up your ass?” He quirked a brow.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">To quickly interject in the most impulsive way possible, Kyle kissed him. “Hi. Shut up. Wanna go like...anywhere that isn’t South Park? Like, now?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cartman blinked, confused, then just shrugged. “This is like, seriously cutting into my Fortnite time...but I guess. Are you sure the whole college thing didn’t turn you into a manic pixie dream girl? Because this is some indie movie bullshit.” He grabbed his keys off a rack near the door. “We can blare some fuckin’ Dido and you can pretend to be a chick with cancer.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wait, you’re not getting dressed?” Kyle gestured in Cartman’s general direction.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fuck, you want me to get dressed too? I was thinkin’ like...heading to the McDonald’s in North Park instead of the one in South Park. You know, for variety.” Cartman shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fuck no. Put some real clothes on.” Kyle scoffed.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Siiiiiiiiiigh.” Cartman literally said the word sigh, for emphasis. “You know, you’re getting real demanding for a bitch who’s gonna die tragically by the end of this movie.” He rolled his eyes, then made his way to put real clothes on.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Feldspar’s Revenge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kyle and Cartman head to a concert in North Park and accidentally run into an old friend.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Craig content? Craig content.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kyle awkwardly tried to make himself comfortable in the passengers seat of Cartman’s car. There wasn’t enough space for his legs, there was trash everywhere, and it reeked of artificial cotton candy from his vape. Kyle silently questioned his decision to actually weather the 30 minute drive to North Park in this condition...but they were already too far from home for Kyle to back out now. He just idly flipped through a weathered CD holder full of sloppily labeled mix tapes with one hand while he scrolled through his phone with the other.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You still haven’t told me where we’re going, y’know. If you don’t give me any actual direction I’m doubling down on McDonald’s.” Cartman spoke, briefly glancing in Kyle’s direction.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s a free concert tonight at some dive bar in North Park. It’s the first thing that came up when I looked up local events there on Facebook. It’s...basically the only thing they’ve got going on.” Kyle shrugged.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uggh. North Park is <em>so</em> boring.” Cartman rolled his eyes. “I’m glad South Park got gentrified to fuck. Did you know they don’t even got a fuckin’ Walmart there? Could you imagine? Not having a Walmart?” Cartman scoffed.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well it’s better than the shit I’m dealing with back home.” Kyle gave an annoyed sigh.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are you all anti-South Park all of a sudden? Didn’t you literally come back home to run away from your problems?” Cartman replied with a confused furrow of his brow.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...I’m starting to think I can’t actually run away from my problems. Like...everything is shitty all the time and I don’t have as much control over it as I thought I did.” Kyle slumped in his seat about as much as he could. “I don’t think the Stan shit is ever going to actually work out. I think we might just be...done.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you seriously still on the Stan bullshit? Dude, fuck him.” Cartman rolled his eyes. “If he’s seriously causing you this much trouble it’s not worth it. That’s why we all collectively decided to turn on Clyde. Some people are just irredeemable.” He shrugged like it was nothing.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kyle looked Cartman up and down, really taking a moment to observe him while he was focused on driving. “...I don’t think so.” He sat up straight again. “No one person is objectively bad, we’re just...products of our upbringing. Sometimes we act out when we’re in pain, it’s the human fucking condition.” Kyle sighed. “I know I’ve met people I thought were just...terrible...but once I started to really relate to them I realized that maybe we’re just...both miserable in different ways, and that’s not our fault.” He glanced back over to Cartman with a hint of a smile.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah but Stan is like, a huge asshole.” Cartman spoke, Kyle’s words going right over his head. “You gotta stop hanging out with miserable people dude. Just hang out with me.” He added with a grin.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kyle looked to Cartman again. He looked to the trash in his car, the way he dressed like he was still in high school, and thought about just how possessive Cartman was of him, likely stemming from a selfish, narcissistic nature brought on by the way his mother raised him to believe he was the most important person in the world...another theory being the fact that Cartman had no strong emotional connections to other people due to his behavior so his only understanding of how relationships work is possession. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ahh shit, Kyle was psychoanalyzing again.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Sure.” Kyle muttered, rolling his eyes, opting to drop the subject instead of continue to vent to Cartman about it. Venting to Cartman was cathartic because Kyle didn’t feel guilty about it...but Cartman was too emotionally stunted to actually provide any genuine advice. Venting to him was a nice release, but it sure as hell wasn’t constructive. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kyle remained relatively silent for the remainder of the drive, only speaking up to offer Cartman directions to the bar and stifle his laugher as Cartman sang along to the radio. Eventually, they arrived at the bar. It was fairly small with only three other cars parked outside, but a sign out front confirmed the musician playing, “Feldspar’s Revenge”.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Aww man, is this gonna be some dumbass nerdcore shit?” Cartman rolled his eyes at the sign.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s North Park. It’s either gonna be country or country adjacent.” Kyle shrugged, chuckling a little at Cartman’s response.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kyle, and I cannot stress this enough, that does not make things any better.” He groaned dramatically as they headed in, sitting down at a small table off to the side of the small stage where a couple of people were setting up various sound equipment. Kyle pulled out his phone again, double checking the time of the event, and in the few moments it took him to do so Cartman had already ordered a drink for himself.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dude.” Kyle scoffed.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dude.” Cartman replied. “The road between South Park and North Park is a straight fuckin’ line. Get your high horse off.” He added, rolling his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s “get off your high horse”.” Kyle replied.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know what I said.” Cartman scoffed. “You wanted to get out to avoid shit right? Unclench your ass a little. I’ll pay if you’ll shut the fuck up.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...Fine.” Kyle sighed. He really didn’t want to argue anymore. Not after the shit with Stan. The roads between North and South Park were empty and absent from anything to run into. While Kyle suspected Cartman might kill him someday, it probably wouldn’t be today. He ordered a drink for himself as well.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The bar had a weird aura to it. It was just like the bar in South Park...but instead of full of people who knew who he was it was full of total strangers. He could people watch here without fear of being recognized. It was an interesting experience, and exactly what he needed. He didn’t have to be himself here, he was just some random guy with zero interpersonal problems there to watch some live music.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kyle zoned out, idly sipping his drink and glancing around the bar, half-listening to whatever Cartman was going on about, when finally the lighting dimmed and his attention was drawn to the stage. The musician, dressed in lame Renaissance wear, silently sat down on the provided stool and adjusted the guitar in his hands. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey I’m Craig and this is some dumb shit I wrote I guess.” Craig spoke, nonchalant, before he began to play.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hoooly shit.” Kyle muttered, then glanced to Cartman, who whipped out his phone as quickly as possible to record this with a massive grin on his face. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>